Sidor

2009/11/03

Mer Dan Savage

Dan Savage i klippet nedan började sin claim to fame genom sin sex- och relationskolumn Savage Love i Seattle-tidningen The Stranger. Jag läste den för första gången idag. Det var absolut underbart.

Dan skriver rakt på sak, säger ifrån och skäller ut. Men han gör det med omtanke och med en strävan att avdramatisera och humanisera sexualitet. Här nedan är en av hans senaste brevsvar och jag ska erkänna att jag skrattade rakt ut åt hans svar. Det var så oerhört långt från våra egna svenska myskvinnor som verkar ha monopol på den här genren. (Förutom du då Gustav, som också verkar göra ett jädrigt bra jobb med Pillow Talk.)

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I am in desperate need. I have been dating a guy for two years. We're both 25, and we love each other a lot. He's sexy as hell (half Asian, quarter Native, quarter black—he's divine), we connect, he's funny, upbeat, and honest. Unfortunately, we have a recurring fight (once or twice a month), and I wonder if we will ever resolve this issue. He likes the attention of other women. The fight goes like this: He will do something borderline inappropriate with some chick right in front of me (most recently, he had 30 consecutive drunk-posts on Facebook with some 19-year-old he met through his roommate), and I will get pissed and hurt. I approach him calmly and say that it feels disrespectful and I hope that one day we will come to an agreement on this issue. He swears that it is all in my head and that I work myself up over nothing. But he KNOWS it hurts my feelings, and my hurt is made worse because he is disregarding my feelings. He usually gets mad, says he "didn't do anything wrong" and he "can't talk to me anymore," and then I won't hear from him for a day or so.

I have friends telling me that this is a deal breaker and that I am being emotionally abused. I don't know if I believe that—I think he just needs to work on boundaries. I just had a "come to Jesus" talk with the boy, and he still feels like he didn't cross any lines and refuses to apologize. But to make me feel guilty, he said he will "never post anything on another girl's Facebook page ever again." That's not what I wanted. Now my face hurts from crying, and I want someone sane to tell me which way is up. Whose side are you on? I would actually be happier if you told me that I was crazy and controlling, because altering my own attitude is a lot easier than trying to get through to him.

Pleeeeeease help.

Hurting In Oregon



Ah... a nice, normal problem to cleanse the palate after the shit sandwich that opens the column this week.

I'm not on anyone's side in this dispute, HIO. You sound like an insecure, passive-aggressive guilt tripper, and the boyfriend sounds like an inconsiderate flirt. You've been having the same fight twice a month for two years. Enough already. If the sex, the connection, and his race-based divinity don't compensate for the flirting, end this relationship. If they do, HIO, stay with him—but only if you can stop policing his interactions with other women and stop bitching about the flirting to him, to your friends, and to me.

10 kommentarer:

Burgschki sa...

ah, rakt på sak. no homo.

thewoodfairy:: sa...

Underbart.

Tehataren sa...

"Är jag homo om jag blir kär i honom?"

Grovt Initiativ sa...

whoa. jag vet inte om jag är mest glad för propsen eller för tipset eller för just detta svar.

Anna Nio sa...

Yeah, så ska de tas, de där pladdriga fruntimren som bara ältar problem i det oändliga, för att få "råd", men ändå avvisar allt de får höra tills nån råkar säga det de VILL höra.

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